Jan 13 2009
“Housewives” Still Offering Bitchtastic Moments
The women of Desperate Housewives’ Wisteria Lane house lots of bitchiness under those smiles. (picture courtesy of ABC/Randee St. Nicholas)
In case anyone was concerned when the new television season started four months ago, they needn’t had been- bitchiness still reigns on Wisteria Lane.
ABC’s Desperate Housewivesended its fourth season (continuing into its fifth) by fast-forwarding five years, and in the process, it’s been business as usual. On Sunday night’s episode, while locked in a storage room together, Susan and Edie engaged in a near-catfight, that, being a fan of the Alexis-Krystal battles on Dynasty, left me wanting more.
Resident bitch Edie Britt taunted Susan Mayer about her inability to make it without a man, while Susan retaliated by playing the “Edie-is-a-tramp-who-uses-and-discards-men-like-tissues” card. After telling Susan about her miserable-excuse-for-a-father, Susan proceeded to hug Edie, saying that she now understood why she is the way she is, because of her father. Edie reacted by slapping a stunned Susan; Susan then pushed Edie, who comically fell against some boxes and clothes that ended up attacking her in their own right. Edie and Susan, however, ended up bonding before someone came to their rescue, showing that the two women- for as much as they fight at every given chance- share a caring and understanding of each other (even moreso now).
Meanwhile, with no-longer-blind Carlos back working in the business world, Gabrielle Solis had a helluva time at home trying to control her two daughters. In fact, at her wit’s end, she resorted to having a passer-by come inside the house and scare the girls into doing what Gabi wanted them to do. Telling the girls that daddy sent the mean man was a classic- and most importantly, bitchy- Gabrielle move, as was forcing Carlos to return to a job he hated simply because it paid six figures. In her defense (somewhat), she spent the last several years taking care of him (as his sight was gone) and the kids, and she’s done without the expensive and fancy lifestyle she once enjoyed. So, let’s cut her some slack- she’s shown she has a heart, but she’s still a great, superficial bitch, which is why we love her.
Viewers learned why Lynette Scavo’s mother, Stella, has such a beef with her daughter, so much so that she let Lynette’s runaway son Porter stay with her, without telling Lynette about it. Prior to the five-year jump, Stella had moved in with her gay ex-husband; turns out he passed away, and her lifestyle became a little out of control. In turn, Lynette checked Stella into a retirement home and hasn’t visited that often (Lynette cited mom’s continuous anger and unpleasant attitude). Lynette managed to her mom and son into thinking she had been in a car accident, leading them to the hospital, and Lynette told her mother that she learned such a cruel trick from the best- her. By episode’s end, though, Lynette and Stella came to an understanding, and were enjoying each other’s company once again.
Bree Hodge, the queen of subtle bitchiness, encountered someone who calls her when she crosses a line or whenever she is rude- Alex, her son Andrew’s boyfriend (who he plans on wedding). Bree had some trouble with the concept at first, but warmed to the idea when, after an argument, Alex told Bree to keep the house she bought him and Andrew (to keep her son close-by). Bree later encouraged Alex to be that person who calls her out and to stay nearby, to which Alex happily obliged.
While not scheming or engaging in cat fights and family battles, Katherine Mayfair probably is doing about the bitchiest thing one can do- dating her friend Susan’s ex-husband, Mike Delfino. Susan came to terms with it, but, still- not the classiest moment on Katherine’s part.
Bitchiness isn’t confined to the female residents of Wisteria Lane, however. Carlos always has fared pretty well during his War-of-the-Roses exchanges with Gabrielle; and, Edie’s crazed husband, Dave, continues worming his way into Mike’s good graces, waiting for the opportune moment to carry out his revenge on his good buddy. See, Dave’s wife and child were killed in an auto accident a few years back, and it happened to be Mike who was driving the car that hit Dave’s wife (who, from the looks of it, was at fault- but, no matter to Dave). Dave had a mental breakdown after his loss, proceeded to marry Edie and, now, continues plotting (and subtly handling anyone who’s bothersome to his goals or what he wants).
Hey, nothing says the guys too can’t have their conniving, scheming moments in the Wisteria Lane Sun.
